Checked Out

It’s been difficult staying motivated these past few weeks or so. I will be perfectly honest — after being on Pantry and Charcuterie at the old restaurant for over a year, I feel like I’ve paid my dues, that I’m “better” than working the salad station. It still fits in with my goal of working every station in the kitchen, but it’s hard not to get frustrated.

It doesn’t help that one of my station partners appears to have mentally checked out. She just doesn’t seem to care about anything anymore, she has a horrible attitude, and her lack of attention shows in the shitty product she’s been putting out. I wasted half my day yesterday redoing things that she did wrong the first time and that’s just aggravating. It’s a waste of food and of my time. It didn’t help that I made the discovery during service right when a ticket for a VIP table checked in.

I guess I find it especially hard because I’m also going through my own personal crisis and yet I’m still handling. I woke up one morning and was confronted with the realization that maybe kitchen life doesn’t feel “worth it” anymore, that maybe I don’t want to run my own kitchen someday like when I started out, that maybe I just want my evenings and weekends and holidays back, that maybe I don’t want to be tired all the time, that maybe I miss cooking at home for the people that matter most to me, that maybe my goals for the future have changed…

Just keep swimming.

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